All dogs go to heaven, that is what they say. I certainly hope it is true because the thought of our little ones not being in heaven right now would break my heart.
But I guess that correct term is “break my heart even more”. On May 30, 3 days after birth, Little Mary passed away. She waited for me to get home, allowed me to give her vitamins and a little milk, cuddled in my hand and a few minutes later, breathed her last breath.
I cried buckets. My chest hurt so much it physically felt like my heart was breaking in two. Tears rolled down my cheeks and wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t help but think that there must have been something I missed, something I failed to do that cause her to die.
I was in denial. I kept hoping that there was actually a way to revive her. I even put her in a towel and held her against my chest as I brought her to the vet all the while massaging her chest, hoping to stimulate a pulse. But when I got there Doc Allan took her from me, checked her for himself. He tried to massage her chest, check for a heartbeat, etc. He then looked at me with a sad face and said there was nothing we could do.
You see, he had seen the pups at 8am that same morning and noticed how much smaller and thinner Mary was than the other pups and he told us that we had to forcefeed about 1 ml. of milk 30 minutes to support her. It was all for naught. We tried our best but she just wasn’t strong enough.
After Mary passed away there was one more tiny one left and we called her Ylli. She was a little stronger than Mary and because of what happened with Mary we were extra vigilant with Ylli. We took turns feeding and cuddling her. We made sure she had first dibs on Princess’ milk before letting her sibs anywhere near, just to be sure she does not starve.
At night when it gets cold she slept with me and yesterday morning she opened her eyes for the first time and (I hope) was able to see me. I was so happy! I thought, yes! This one will make it! In my mind I was even thinking “this pup we will keep”. An hour or two later her sibs also opened their eyes.
Ylli grew a little bit and was no longer skin and bones but she was still only 1/3 the size of her sibs. Doc warned me that it was possible that like the first one, she could also have a weak heart and that if she survived she would never be as strong as her siblings.
Now I am left with 3, three precious darlings – more precious to me now than they were before. These three are strong and healthy but I still can’t help but worry.
And though I truly believe that all dogs go to heaven I don’t want them to go there too soon.
Lord, allow them to live long, happy, and healthy lives here on earth. Give them the opportunity to be loved not just by me but also by the families that will adopt them.